Logically, I knew that after having a baby my body would change. How? I didn’t know. But I figured that I would be able to simply accept the changes like *that*.
While I was pregnant, so many women told me how their bodies were different postpartum. Weight gain that was never lost, hair that would fall out, stretch marks that took years to fade…
I heard this and said to myself “ok yeah but that was them and this is me. I doubt my body will change that much.”
And then I had Kaladin.
I don’t know why I was so shocked. I knew that my body could change and that it most likely would.
I remember the first time walking to the bathroom after giving birth. After needing help from two sweet nurses, I looked into the mirror and didn’t know who was looking back at me. It made me break down in tears.
I have realized that loving my body will happen over time. And not all at once. Each imperfection, each “flaw” will be seen in a new way. There will be phases of loving my new body.
One, recognizing that my body has changed, and how. Two, accepting that this is my body now. And three, one day, I want to embrace the changes and love the body I have grown into. The woman I have become.
One – RECOGNIZE
Recognize that my body is different. I am the same person, but my body has changed in so many ways.
I am still me, but my body has now created life. And I am continuing to give life through my body by breastfeeding.
Stretch marks on my stomach and legs, extra belly skin, needle marks from IV’s, creating milk, brittle nails, wrecked teeth, changed eyes, fragile hair…
My body has changed and grown from who I was before.
Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I am different in so many ways. And I have taken on a new role as a mother.
I can recognize these changes, and have done so since learning I was pregnant. Now, I am trying to accept these changes.
Two – ACCEPT
My body will never be what it once was, and I will never be who I once was. For a reason.
I have now come into the beauty and grit of motherhood. I am responsible for another person who currently relies completely upon me for everything. And that is not a responsibility I take lightly.
Even with all of these changes, my body is how it should be. This is how I am supposed to exist at this moment.
I am a mother. And my body is different just like my roles are different.
Although I am not my scars, they are a part of me. And they serve to remind me of my sacred calling as a mother.
Three – EMBRACE
I don’t know how to do this yet. Right now, I am still trying to accept that this is my body!
And that is ok. Healing and understanding takes time.
Future me, I hope that you can find peace in these changes.
I hope that you can learn to love the body you are now in. Love the changes and the differences. Love all of it.
Because of these scars, you have a beautiful, healthy, happy baby boy.
There is beauty in change.
This is part one of a two-part series. Read part two here.