Questions to Ask Your Service Member Before Marriage

Marriage is on the brain!

Have you asked the hard questions yet?

Being new to the military world, you may not even know what questions to ask.

Use these questions to spark up conversations that are important to have before marriage.

Included, you will find military questions, family questions, financial questions, and more.


  • Why did you choose to join the military?
  • What are your long-term goals with the military?
  • Do you want to serve for a full 20 years or more?
  • What is your job or future job? What is the lifestyle like?
  • What does/will a typical day look like in your job?
  • Do you have any family members in the military?
  • Do you have a dream base or location?
  • Will there be the possibility of deployment?
  • If military lifestyle becomes too difficult for me, would you consider leaving? Would you be able to?
  • If I want to pursue my own career, will you support me?


  • Do you want to have kids? If so, when? How many?
  • Do you already have any kids?
  • Do you want to adopt or foster children? If so, when?
  • How do you want our children to be educated? (Public school, homeschool, private school…)
  • What are your expectations regarding parenting?
  • Did you have a good relationship with your parents?
  • Will our parents be an active part of our lives?
  • What aspects of your childhood did you enjoy? And what aspects would you have changed?
  • Is there anything else about parenthood you want to talk about?


  • Are you religious?
  • Does religion play an important role in your life?
  • Is it important that you have the same religious beliefs as me?
  • Is there a certain custom/church/religion that you want to participate in for our wedding?
  • Do you expect me to convert once we are married?
  • If we have kids, do you want them raised in a specific religion or church?


  • Would you consider yourself a saver or a spender?
  • Do you have any financial goals?
  • Do you want to create a joint bank account?
  • What different accounts do you currently have? (Retirement, Checking, Investment…)
  • How should we view money? Do we share everything that we earn?


  • What does marriage mean to you?
  • What matters most in a healthy marriage to you?
  • How should we handle disagreements?
  • Do you prefer to have a set plan or to wing it?
  • How do you handle change?
  • How would you rank these things in order of importance to you: Family, Work, Religion, Education, Hobbies
  • Is there anything you want to bring up that we haven’t already talked about?

Are you new to the military lifestyle? Check out my military branch fact sheets that you can download for FREE!

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